<h1>The Seagull</h1>
<img src="https://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large-5/majestic-seagull-sheila-kay-mcintyre.jpg">
You are a seagull. Not just any seagull, but a seagull of such intelligence and might that most seagulls, if you asked, would follow you even into the Unknown Plains, far from the sea. However, in your society, dominance must be proven to unseat the mighty Lord of Seagulls, Gul-naz the Great. After all, you are creatures of intelligence, not mere barbarians. Your might is well known, but you must still prove yourself worthy of the throne. As is written in the Book of Gulls, the current Lord is honor-bound to provide you with a challenge, and should you succeed, the right of rulership shall be yours.
And so you find yourself seated at the Royal Pier, awaiting the Lord’s decree, surrounded by his sycophantic flock. He eyes you up and down and scoffs, “You? Lord of All Seagulls? This high and most excellent station is not for repulsive squabs such as yourself.” The seagulls around him laugh raucously, but unconvincingly. Gul-naz does not notice this, however, and grins, opening his beak wide to show his weird, ridged bird tongue.
[[Insult him]]
[[Let it slide]]
You reply, telling him he has all the bearing of a chicken for all his imperious attitude.
He serves you a steely gaze. “When you inevitably fail my challenge, I shall enjoy watching you eat trash while the rest of us feast, squab.”
He pauses and draws himself up. “Gul-naz issues a challenge to the usurper! Oh, ye ignoble wretch, I seek…” He stops dramatically, then spreads his wings wide. “An ice cream cone!”
“Au! Au! Au!” The seagulls cry in unison, flapping their wings and sending errant feathers flying.
The Lord stands, pointing out a feather defiantly.
“Go now! And bring me my prize!”
You find yourself ushered away from the royal pier, and head to the boardwalk in search of an ice cream cone.(set: $insultstate to "true")
[[Go find an ice cream cone]]
“Nothing to say for yourself, eh?” He looks at you with contempt. “They say you are mighty. But might alone does not rule a kingdom.”
He pauses and draws himself up. “Gul-naz issues a challenge to the silent one! Oh, ye mighty gull, I seek…” He stops dramatically, then spreads his wings wide. “An ice cream cone!”
“Au! Au! Au!” The seagulls cry in unison, flapping their wings and sending errant feathers flying.
The Lord stands, pointing out a feather defiantly.
“Go now! And bring me my prize!”
You find yourself ushered away from the royal pier, and head to the boardwalk in search of an ice cream cone. (set: $insultstate to "false")
[[Go find an ice cream cone]]
You soar into the air, your keen eyes searching for the Gul-Naz’s desire. And then you spot it. Strawberry, you think. In the hand of a human girl. She has her hand wrapped around a larger human, who is carrying a cup of coffee as they walk down the boardwalk. You hate coffee, but the ice cream cone admittedly looks delicious. It, however, is not for you.
You circle the couple, knowing the ice cream cone will be yours, one way or another. It’s just a matter of how to get it.
[[Swoop down and snatch it]]
[[Poop on the humans]]
[[Grab the coffee]]
Like a mighty eagle, you swoop down right at the girl, beak stretched open to snatch the ice cream from her. The prize comes closer and closer, and it’s so close you can almost taste it. But that’s when the larger human blocks you, swatting his wingless limbs in your direction. You squawk with anger, but he keeps swatting, yelling “Shoo! Go on! Get out of here!”
It’s clear you’ve been bested as the humans scamper away. What will the Lord say? (set: $icecream to "fail")
[[Return to the pier]]
Gliding overhead, you make lazy circles, and try to relax. It is a beautiful day out, and the air is crisp and windy. You measure the distance between you and the humans, and bear down. The soft tactical missile falls, and lands…right on the ice cream. The little human shrieks, throwing the ice cream cone to the ground. She begins to weep as you swoop down and gently pick it up, and fly back toward the Royal Pier. Won’t the Lord be pleased? (set: $icecream to "poop")
[[Return to the pier]]
While coffee is a disgusting liquid, you know that humans are attached to it for some reason. And so you swoop down, and you smack the cup from the larger human’s hand with your beak. As the cup falls to the ground, he utters a strange word that makes the smaller human yell, “Awwww, Daddy said a bad word!” She points at him with the ice cream in her hand, and that’s when you reach out and snatch it. You can hear the two yelling at you as you fly back toward the Royal Pier. (set: $icecream to "coffee")
[[Return to the pier]]
(if: $icecream is 'fail')[You walk with shame to the end of the pier, and the Lord regards you with satisfaction as he sees your beak is empty. {(if: $insultstate is 'true')[“What a surprise. The unworthy wretch returns empty beakéd.](else:)[And so the mighty one returns empty beakéd. What a shame!]} It seems, as ever, that the true Lord of Seagulls, Gul-naz, shall reign supreme!”
The crowd laughs as you retreat in shame.
GAME OVER
Restart
(click:"Restart")[(reload:)]]
(else-if: $icecream is 'poop')[As you walk down the Royal Pier, hushed noises greet you. It is clear that they did not expect you to succeed. You drop the ice cream cone at his feet. He looks down in shock at the ice cream and steps toward it gingerly.
You can see the relief on his face as he begins to laugh. He gestures to his gallery. “This {(if: $insultstate is 'true')[fool](else:)[so-called mighty]} bird brings me ice cream, but he has defiled it! You shall never be Lord; so sayeth Gul-naz!”
The crowd laughs, but is cut short as the regal seagull raises a wing. They quiet down to allow the Lord to speak.
“Yea, you have brought me ice cream, but it is impure. However, your failure shall be expunged if you can bring me…a bag…OF POTATO CHIPS!” The crowd explodes into a chorus of “Au! Au! Au!”
“Go now, and do not return without my chips! Unopened!” He points a wing, and two seagulls escort you away.
[[Fly off to find potato chips]]
]
(else:)[As you walk down the Royal Pier, hushed noises greet you. It is clear that they did not expect you to succeed. You drop the ice cream cone at his feet. He looks down in shock at the ice cream and steps toward it gingerly.
He regards it with disgust, and then begins to laugh. “Did you think, {(if: $insultstate is 'true')[oh unworthy wretch](else:)[ye so-called mighty bird]}, that one such as I would deign to eat *strawberry* ice cream? You shall never be Lord; so sayeth Gul-naz!”
The crowd laughs, but is cut short as the regal seagull raises a wing. They quiet down to allow the Lord to speak.
“Yea, you have brought me ice cream, but it is impure. However, your failure shall be expunged if you can bring me…a bag…OF POTATO CHIPS!” The crowd explodes into a chorus of “Au! Au! Au!”
“Go now, and do not return without my chips! Unopened!” He points a wing, and two seagulls escort you away.
[[Fly off to find potato chips]]
]
(if: $trieddoor is 'true')[Well, that didn't work. Clearly, the door was not designed with seagulls in mind. You watch carefully as the door opens for human after human, and realize that they are your only way in.]
(else:)[It is clear to you that you have been done a great injustice. You were asked to bring the Lord ice cream, and so you did. So what if it (if: $icecream is 'poop')[had a little poop on it](else-if: $icecream is 'coffee')[was strawberry-flavored]? You fulfilled your duty. But any challenge he can give you will be met. You deserve the throne, and you shall have it!
So you seek a bag of unopened chips, but none can be found along the boardwalk. There are many empty bags, some with a few chips in them, which you devour, but that will not satisfy Gul-naz.
It’s when you’re finishing the dregs of a bag of Fritos (your favorite) that you witness a pair of small humans with fresh bags of chips leaving a building. So! That is whence chips come! You notice that the doors open whenever humans approach. How will you get in?]
(if: $trieddoor is 'true')[
[[Sneak in behind a human]]]
(else:)[
[[Fly around the door to get it to open]]
[[Sneak in behind a human]]]
Maybe the doors will open for you, even if you aren’t human. When a quiet moment arrives, you fly over to the door and walk around, but the door doesn’t seem to open. Quizzically, you look around, wondering how the strange door mechanism works. Clearly, it will not open for you, and every time it opens for the humans, they shoo you away. Perhaps this method won’t work. (set: $trieddoor to "true")
[[Try again->Fly off to find potato chips]]
As stealthily as a bird can manage, you hide behind a trash can, resisting the delicious treats within it, until two medium-sized humans approach. They’re distracted by the glowing devices in their hands that all humans seem to carry, and don’t notice you as you walk in behind them.
Cool air hits you as you enter the shop, and your beady eyes widen as you take in the treasure trove of edible goodies. Candy bars (including a box of your favorite, Take 5 bars), frozen treats, a display case with slices of pizza and hot dogs, and of course, an entire aisle full of potato chip bags. This truly is the promised land. But you know what you came here to do. You stand in front of the candy bars and ponder your next move.
[[Steal a Take 5 bar]]
[[Head straight to the potato chips]]
[[Hide in the store]]
While you’re here, you might as well steal a little something for yourself. You slowly walk up to the box of delicious, chocolatey, peanut-butter-pretzely goodness, and expertly snatch a bar with your beak.
“Hey!” you hear as a portly human runs toward you with a broom. You don’t have enough time to get the bag of potato chips! He unceremoniously swats you out, yelling angrily as you fly away with the candy bar in your beak. As you find a quiet spot to devour it, you consider the paths you have taken to get here. (if: $icecream is 'poop')[You’ve already failed Gul-naz once](else-if: $icecream is 'coffee')[Gul-naz was displeased with your last offering], and this failure will not improve your chances.
But it was worth it.
GAME OVER
Restart
(click:"Restart")[(reload:)]
You waddle your way over to the potato chips. They certainly look delicious. You’re trying to decide which bag of chips to take when a portly human yells, and runs toward you with a broom. No time to decide what to pick! You quickly grab a nearby bag that attracts you with its fetching red design, and fly out of the store. Now you’ll surely be Lord of Seagulls!
[[Return to Gul-naz]]
You know you’re in a dangerous place, so you scan your surroundings for a safe hiding space. You see an alcove just about the refrigerators, and quickly fly up. You’re pleasantly surprised that the tops of the refrigerators are very warm, and you settle in to wait for an quiet moment when no one's watching. But one portly human always seems to be on guard. You decide to relax, and you take a little nap.
When you awaken, the store is closed. And it’s *all yours*. You spend the evening gorging yourself on Take 5 bars, potato chips, pizza, and hot dogs, and by the time morning hits, you’re so swollen you can’t fly. When the store opens, you can do nothing but allow the portly human to sweep you out, along with all the wrappers you’ve collected. You rest by the trash can, your stomach gurgling with what you presume is joy. In actuality, you’ve ingested so much rich, human food you’ve poisoned yourself, and the gurgling you hear is your body giving you your last rites. As you lie dying, you do some introspection and realize that you chose the wrong course of action.
GAME OVER
Restart
(click:"Restart")[(reload:)]
You return, triumphant, to the Royal Pier, and all the seagulls regard you with reverence. They whisper among themselves, “The chosen one. The chosen one.” You stride proudly to the end of the pier and drop the bag at Gul-naz’s feet. He looks at you with barely contained rage as he waddles to the bag to confirm that it is sealed.
(if: $insultstate is 'false')[Gul-naz looks at the bag, and then up at you, and then to his retinue. They continue their hushed whispers.
“The chosen one. It’s the chosen one.”
Gul-naz suddenly seems smaller and less proud than he did before. He pokes and tears the bag open, and smells the chips inside. He sighs, and sits down, tucking his feet beneath him.
“You have done as I have asked. The rules of succession are clear, and I, Gul-naz, must respect them. I bow to you, O Lord of Seagulls.” He lowers his head. The retinue cheers as you assume your new seat on the bollard at the end of the pier. Gul-naz snatches his bag of fresh chips and flies away, off to the secret seagull lands where all fallen lords live out their days.
Now begin the days of the new Lord of Seagulls. May they be prosperous and happy.]
(else:)[Gul-naz looks at the bag, and then up at you, and then to his retinue. They continue their hushed whispers.
“The chosen one. It’s the chosen one.”
Gul-naz seems smaller than he ever did before. He pokes and tears the bag open, and smells the chips inside. He then draws himself up, and laughs deeply, a great “Auuuuuuu! Auuuuu!” His retinue reacts with shock. He gives the bag a cavalier toss, its contents spilling out in an orange jumble.
“Look! See how this usurper attempts to deceive us, my friends! Look upon these chips. These are not potato chips; nay! They are tortilla chips!” The seagulls around him look on skeptically. They don’t know what a potato is. They see no problem with your offering. All they see are chips. Gingerly, seagull one walks up to a chip and grabs it, smacking it against the wooden pier before eating it. Others join in, and soon there is a feeding frenzy.
“Gul-naz orders you to cease, insubordinate squabs!” Gul-naz yells, but none pay him any heed. His desperate, quibbling move seems to have lost him their respect, and he can no longer control them.
“Cease!” you yell at the seagulls, and they stop their crunching, waiting for you to speak.
“Let him take the remainder of his precious chips. He has served for many tides, and though he is weak and witless now, he was once great. Go now, Gul-naz, and return never again!”
Gul-naz looks at you with rage, pausing as he looks around at his traitorous retinue. He realizes he has been bested, and squawks loudly at you before grabbing the bag of tortilla chips. He runs and flaps his mighty wings, and flies off to the north, never to be seen again.
The seagulls bow their heads in deference to you as you assume your throne on the Royal Bollard.
Now begin the days of the new Lord of Seagulls. May they be prosperous and happy.]
THE END
Restart
(click:"Restart")[(reload:)]
